I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching lately to find out more about who I really am. The more I dig, the more I discover. Lately, I discovered a few things about myself that might help you in searching for who you really are.I’m a winner. At least I like to believe I am. My definition of winning is making things work until it works. Let me explain. First off, the thought of losing really doesn’t sit well in my stomach.
Some people, believe it or not, are content with losing. The thought of failure or failing at something just doesn’t digest in my system right. In the past, I used to believe that there was no such thing as failure and if I failed, I would keep pushing harder to find a way to win. Let’s take something so simple as playing NHL on PlayStation. Yes, if I lost to one of my co-workers, I used to get so upset that I would throw the joystick and actually break it. Yes, I was that guy. Next up, playing tennis on the tennis courts. I was super excited to play tennis with my friends, after a year of playing, I finally got upset because I started to lose over and over that I took my very expensive racquet and smashed it to pieces. Why was this? What was going on?
Hockey, I started to get back into ice hockey and sure enough, fights broke out, loud mouth kicked in and you bet, “Paul threw out of the game”. I wasn’t happy. There was a turning point in my life. I started to notice myself becoming more and more bitter. I wanted to win. I felt like no matter what I was doing, I was losing. Now some people would say, what you focus on you get. I do believe in that but the reality was, I really was losing. Very little was going my way. I started to build so much stress from hard times in my businesses and life. Each and every day, I would wake up to “ok Paul, today’s the day you win” somehow someway, I would find a way to make things happen. Fast forwarding to today. I changed my life and I changed the way I live. How? God! This isn’t a religious post but God/Creator/Holy Spirit spoke to me and said: “Paul, everything’s going to be ok”.
I don’t know why or how I felt and trusted that voice at the time, but I did. I started to change. The stress, the anxiety and all was still there. But now, I decided to change. I sold off my business, I moved countries with the family, build a software company from scratch with people I trust and today, am a success. Not long ago I just discovered I was suffering from anxiety. The anxiety of not hitting my goals. I wanted to win. Because I wasn’t winning for so long, my mind, body and spirit were in fight or flight mode for over 10 years. Over time, your muscles tighten up, you start to stop breathing and you start to look at life in a different way. It’s a terrible place to be. Here is what I discovered. Your body wants you alive. Today, we live in a digital, fantasy world of dreams beyond human needs of survival. Instead, we mostly want to thrive because when you take a look around, all you see is entrepreneur this and shark tank that. I’m not against it. I’m actually for it.
However, how you achieve success is worth more than achieving the success itself. It wasn’t easy for me to be calm in times where I wasn’t hitting my goals but still giving My all. But at the end of the day, I realised, you have to dedicate time to work hard, time for family, time for health and time for personal meditation. Depending on the demand you put on your body for work, you may not need as much meditation. For me, because I work 24/7 and am always with my family 24/7 working alongside, I now spend so much more time closing my eyes, breathing deep breaths and meditating. If you’re too tough or too smart or don’t believe breathing and meditating can get you so much quicker ahead in life, you’re missing out. Think about this. Oxygen is the 1 thing we cannot live without for the shortest period of time. Over water and food, yup its oxygen. Please make sure to take care of yourself, the battle isn’t easy, learn new skills that will help modify the current standard of life you have and align you in the right path to success in every aspect of your life.
God bless you and start listening more to that positive inner voice! God cares! Amen. Live in peace until we rest in peace.
Make it happen! Go!